A Memory is a Lifetime
by CodeLyoko
Summary: Gou knew he should have confessed his feelings before the final battle. He knew it, yet he had failed to do so due to his conflicting emotions. Now with the hope Chase could be rebuilt he believed he would have another chance. He waited, and waited... and waited. Would Chase remember or was rebuilding him all for naught?
For the Kamen Rider/Super Sentai Feburary Exchange! This was for underthemattressstaring! It was fun doing an exchange like this, and I hope they enjoy this. They asked for fluff and I kind of had to add angst to it to make the ending even better.

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Pain flooded his senses, the rider easing down to the ground after succeeding in hiding it from Shinnosuke. Originally he had gone outside to look for Chase, to finally confront him about something he had been meaning to tell him. All those times they had been alone, he had had the chance, but his hotheadedness and the still bitterness and hatred of Roidmudes still had lingered. The voice of the very man he sought out called out to him and he turned his head to stare at him. Everything went by in a daze. All he could think of, as the other questioned him on his injury and he returned evasive answers in reply, was how to tell the other what he really felt.

The time passed all too quickly, Gou promising himself as he left Chase that he would do it before they had to leave to finish Banno in the morning.

That time never came, and in the ensuing fight that resulted in the destruction, of Chase, he never _ever_ forgave himself.

. . . . .

The sensation of falling forward jerked Gou awake, gasping as he struggled to right himself, only to end up actually falling over. A hand flailed out and grasped the side of an armchair, steadying himself in the process as he tried to make sense of what had happened. A pounding in his chest and the tremble of his body reminded him of another nightmare, the fifth one in the last three days. In an attempt to stop his body from shaking, Gou climbed back into the chair, pulling the blanket that had fallen tight around his body, cocooning himself in its warmth.

Yet even with the blanket, the warmth seemed to be leeched away by the cold room.

The clock on the nearby wall ticked away, a soft light from the Drive Pit lighting it just enough that the time could be read. Five forty-three. A soft grumble of dislike slipped through Gou's lips, fingers tightening on the soft fabric. It was early, too early for even Rinna to be twiddling away at Signal Chaser. She had mentioned something about the promise it held - that since it had been made from his Mashin Chaser form, and that its sentience meant it could contain memories from up until he was destroyed - that it could be possible to extract them.

The poor Signal Bike had been subjected to many experiments once it had come to life again, having helped recreate the others Roidmude form. Proto Speed could only have done so much with his memories, yet Gou was finding it hard to keep his hopes up that it was possible to have the old Chase back, one who had trusted and respected everyone around him, who had been fascinated with human life….

He was afraid he would never get the chance to tell him…

" _Chase? Chase!" Gou's happiness at the other finally awakening evaporated the second he was pulled back by Shinnosuke in order for him to not be caught in the chaos that followed soon after. Sparks began to shoot everywhere as things began to be destroyed left and right. The younger rider was in too much of a shock to comply as Rinna yanked Krim off the platform he was on and yelled at everyone to get out. His heart thud in his chest painfully, the images of Chase ripping wires out of him burned into his mind as Shinnosuke almost had to carry him out of the room as they sealed it shut._

 _It all had happened because he had touched Chase's chest and unintentionally bumped into the switch to reactivate him. If he hadn't run up to the Roidmude, they wouldn't have had to shut him down. He had forgotten why they had been reluctant in reactivating him – the last memories were Proto Speed's… Chase had woken up thinking the three other Roidmudes, Heart, Freeze, and Brain, were re-modifying him. It seemed that the sudden overload of memories and the panic they caused this sudden blind attack on anything around him. Rinna, from outside the room, managed to shut the rampaging Roidmude down before he could hurt anyone else, or himself, and before he could break out and destroy the rest of the Drive Pit._

 _It was only later that he learned how the stress had nearly caused the core, Krim's handiwork of one and a half years of hard work, to shatter. If not for Rinna's quick thinking on the fallback of a temporary 'off-switch', they could have lost him forever._

Just the memory of that caused him to cringe

Sleep-filled eyes blinked hard to refocus on the only other inhabitant in the room. Well… an inhabitant that hadn't woken up since a few weeks ago. The silver form stood latched to a support system, a large metal stand that held the Roidmude in an upright position. Wires attached to plates that had to be removed in order to get to the circuitry. Where the number 000 plate had been was a gaping hole, the plate carefully set on a nearby metal table with other armor bits. Glowing within the coils of wires and machinery, next to a newly remade Core Driviar, was a silver core. The surface was marred with welded lines – Gou still couldn't figure out how Krim had managed it.

Only now that Gou had a moment to really think about it, Chase's core had exploded differently. Unlike the other Roidmudes, his core had shattered, yes, but pieces of it had went flying instead of disintegrating in the blast. Why had it been different? Brain had dissolved into ash, and Medic into light particles – according to Shinnosuke- while Heart disintegrated into flecks of fire that were snuffed out in the wind. Other Roidmudes had exploded, so how was it that Chase's pieces had remained?

The rider couldn't help it; making out it off the chair without falling over the blanket was difficult, yet he managed to drag himself and the long warm piece of fabric over to where the Roidmude stood. Fingers clutched down tightly on the fabric in order to not reach up to touch the cool metal, to caress the surface that wasn't skin, to reassure him that Chase was still there, yet also not there. The painful skip of his heart made him gasp for breath suddenly, swallowing the thick lump in his throat.

No, he whispered to himself, no. They were going to bring him back. The room tilted ever so slightly and Gou stumbled, the blanket dropping from his grip as the boy tried to right himself. He landed against something hard and metal. Drooping eyes stared at the metal being, blinking slowly as he was at eye-level with a pulsing core. Throwing all reason out the door, trembling fingertip hesitantly brushed against the edge of the core, watching how it shivered in response.

It was pleasantly warm to the touch. A sleepy smile stretched across Gou's face as it rose and fell like a heartbeat. It was a comforting sight.

"I'll help you remember… if it's the last thing I do." He mumbled, the room blurring around him again. So tired… Maybe Kiriko was right, he should have eaten more than just the soup that was offered to him. Before his balance could leave him, he slowly lowered himself to the ground at Chase's feet, curling into the blanket. He was asleep instantly.

The next few weeks were hell. Gou no longer had been allowed to sleep in the lab room where Chase stayed. Before, Krim and Rinna had allowed Gou to stay there after constantly finding him sleeping at Chase's feet. It was the entire reason why they moved a very comfy armchair into their pristine lab. No matter how many times the two had locked the door leading to the hidden lab, Gou always had found a way to get in. Even by being forced to lock up Dimension Cab, the other Bikes and Cars had found ways to help. In the end they just gave up. But now…

Even though Gou understood why he had been tossed out - it was decided to reactivate Chase while trying to slowly dig out possible memories from Signal Chaser – it didn't mean he could like it. The Signal Bike still remained deactivated since that day; even with taking material from it to help restore Chase's Proto-Zero form, it never once became sentient again. The boy's lips pursed together, leaning against the far corner on the couch-like structure in the Drive Pit. There was no one around, yet all he could hear was Krim and Rinna in the other room.

He always would think that him being close no matter how hard they were working could be like a lucky charm, that somehow something would work and Chase would be alright. That he would remember. Not just him, not just the chance they could have had if not for Gou's damn stubbornness, but everyone. How human he had started to become, him regaining who he once was, the _friends_ he had made.

Gou could have made a fuss if he wanted to, but while doing the odd photography job every now and then, he took to basically sleeping in the Drive Pit, no matter what anyone else said. Kiriko had given up trying to get him back into his own apartment and thus left a blanket where he slept.

It was late in the afternoon and Gou had been dozing off in the company of his sister and Shinnosuke when a sudden loud bang shook the Drive Pit. Gou and Shinnosuke jumped up, ready for a fight when they realized it came from the lab. Kiriko stood up slowly, a frown marring her face as she exchanged worried looks with the other two before they realized it hadn't come from the building above, but instead from the lab. They were quiet, the two riders itching to break the door down when another thud happened. It was like someone had collapsed against a wall.

A strange sound could be heard, panting and confused noises. Before Shinnosuke could stop him, Gou raced towards the door and threw it open – when had it been unlocked? – and suddenly paused, Shinnosuke and Kiriko nearly slamming into his back as they followed. Krim was talking to someone in the corner, Rinna kneeling down before a mass of purple and black. Purple and black? Gou's heart leapt to his throat as his eyes scanned the room. Chase was nowhere to be found, which meant… He stepped through the threshold, trying to swallow the lump that threatened to make him choke.

Chase, his human disguise replacing his metal Roidmude body, was staring at his hands as if they were terrifying, his form shivering. Gou hesitated before taking another step. The other didn't react, didn't slow his panicked gasps as shock continued to run through his system. A blinking image of Chase's human was on the screen, wires connecting the screen to Signal Chaser, which had been sparking, to the Roidmude's back.

Concern welled up within Gou's chest only to settle into a dull ache. It hurt to see Chase like that. The only time he had ever looked panicked had been when he had seen Banno about to kill him… And only then it was shown in his eyes. This, this was completely different, shock was plastered over his face, confusion evident in his eyes. It was to the point where he almost looked human.

"Belt-san?" Shinnosuke's tone was hesitant, stepping forward to try and get an answer. Krim sighed from where he was, unable to turn on his pedestal. He mumbled something low to Rinna. The scientist nodded in agreement, placing a hand on Chase's shoulder despite his sudden twitch, and stood up to walk over to the three.

"It seems all we managed to get out of Signal Chaser so far is the memory of Chase's human counterpart. He… didn't take well to it." A concerned frown erased her hesitant smile, eyes darting back around to the still-shaking Roidmude.

" _He… didn't take well to it."_

Those words pounded again and again in his skull, bouncing off his brain and reverberating deep within his bones. The way Rinna said that made it seem as if trying to restore – Gou hated that word, it made Chase seem like he was nothing than a hunk of programmed metal that barely had any consciousness – Chase would end up harming him more than helping him. Something began to eat at his chest, acid eroding his ability to properly breathe.

Was this wrong? Should they – should _he_ – have left the departed Roidmude to be a simple memory? Was trying to rebuild Chase, to make him remember, a failed project to begin with? What was Rinna and Krim doing? They were brilliant at what they did yet it's been countless weeks and there had been barely any progress.

A breath escaped his lips, a strangled wheeze that slipped unnoticeably by everyone. Gou stumbled back, fingers clenching and unclenching before he ran out the room.

"Gou?" Every time he heard Chase speaking or saw him walking around the Drive Pit like a puppy that lost its way was like a dagger to the heart. He continued to stare at the wall beside him, a blanket haphazardly thrown on him by his sister a few hours ago. Too many thoughts were rushing around in his head, to the point where he couldn't ground himself in the now. It was all just a blur, days, weeks, - had it been a month or two now? – he just couldn't remember anymore.

"Gou." His name was repeated again, Gou snapping out of the doze he had been in. Groggily, he rubbed his eyes and glanced over at who had been calling his name. Purple leather, stoic face. Eyes blinked to refocus on the Roidmude and he let out a questioning noise. He was just so tired, joints creaking when he went to sit up straight.

"Kiriko had mentioned that you had not eaten today." The words slid from his mind, barely ever registering what the other had said, even though it had been true. Gou mumbled a confirmation, moodily turning over to try and nap, or at least slip into the mindless gaze again. Looking at Chase only made his chest ache. At first he had tried to talk to the other but the more he did, the more he found himself losing it.

It wasn't the same without everything that had transpired before. How could he start up anew when he knew it wouldn't be the same? The old Chase, his flaws and Gou's own actions, they were what had made Chase _Chase_. There was no way he could ever replace him.

"She wished that we both go to the cafeteria." It wasn't a question, wasn't an order. Just a statement, like a butler relaying information to their master. He twitched, a frown marring his face. He hated it, despised how the other was so stoic and _not his Chase_. Regardless of what his heart told him, Gou knew that to ignore this request to get food would only lead to Kiriko herself tracking him down and actually _handcuffing_ him to her until he ate.

It happened to Shinnosuke before, he wasn't going to go through that; Kiriko could be downright terrifying sometimes. Sometimes he wondered how Shinnosuke had gotten the nerve to actually present the ring to her.

This lead to him finally relenting and finding himself across from Chase in the cafeteria, a glass of soda in front of him as well as a random sandwich he picked up. Dejavu washed over him in waves, squirming in his seat to get images of the past out of his head and drowning his emotional turmoil in his soda.

"You and the other humans… You prefer this human form over my Roidmude form?" Gou froze in drinking his soda, lips tightening into a deep frown. There was an undertone of curiosity, yet even as he turned to properly look at the other, his face was blank and devoid of emotion like always. There had been no hints that were accusing him of disliking who he was, which made him relieved. Gou shook his head.

"It's not that. Humans… we don't take kindly to things we don't normally see. Krim already told you about what had happened?" The other nodded his head, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to call back the information. It had been vague, as to not stress the memory processers while they were trying to update them.

"Regardless of that, we don't care which form you are in. You are you, Chase. We're… we're all friends." Gou gulped down the growing lump in his throat. Friends… No, not them. He had hoped to become more yet… His eyes landed on the sandwich in front of them, stomach now twisting at the thought of having to eat it. Neither Shinnosuke nor Kiriko would be happy about him skipping a small meal again.

"Friends…" The younger rider frown's increased in size when he saw the expression on Chase's face. It was… more emotion than he normally witnessed. The other looked quite troubled, eyes glazing over as if trying to think about something. Regret again crashed down hard on Gou, almost gagging on his drink in the process. He quickly set it down and mumbled an apology to the other, swiftly walking by him. A solid grip on his arm stopped him dead in his tracks. Almost immediately the grip softened.

"Kiriko once mentioned you had wanted to say something before… before I was destroyed?" Again the troubled look crossed those dark eyes. Dark eyes he had always found himself lost in, despite their normal stoic look… He quickly blinked and refocused on the man before him, who was waiting patiently for an answer, the troubled expression now gone from his eyes. Gou bit his bottom lip and fought hard not to look away.

"It's something I can't say until you've regained your memories… It's… it's that important." Chase's eyes lowered before he nodded in confirmation. Before Gou could ask what he was doing, he stood up and placed the plate with the sandwich in the younger rider's hands before the Roidmude walked to the door. Before he left, he turned his face towards Gou.

"I am going to talk to Sawagami Rinna."

He never had the chance to ask him what he was thinking before the door closed. It would be the last time Gou would see him for a month. In the end, everyone had been barred from entering the Drive Pit at all, this time not even the help of the Signal Bikes and Shift Cars would suffice.

When Rinna contacted them and told them all to head down to the Drive Pit, it occurred to Gou that he could have said no. It would have been easy. Two letters, one word, a denial of wanting to go. The thing was, even if he tried to form the words, he found his mouth opening and closing like a water-deprived goldfish. He couldn't say it.

Gou wasn't even sure he _wanted_ to say it.

Regardless of Kiriko's hand squeezing one of his own tightly in support, and Shinnosuke's gripping his shoulder comfortingly, the younger rider still felt like the walk down the stairs was his death march, like he was marching to the crypt he had dug with his bare-hands. Truthfully it wouldn't have been far off; everything he did ended up almost getting himself killed at the end. Throat dry and lungs barely able to process oxygen, Gou felt as if he was going to sink into the floor and never return.

Before them sitting on a metal chair and staring at the ground was Chase. A look of fierce concentration was etched onto his face, fingers clenched tightly on his knees. The sound of them entering the lab broke whatever the Roidmude had been thinking about. Chase stood up slowly.

"Shinnosuke, Kiriko…." There was a pause as Chase's eyes found the one he was looking for. Silence reigned in the minute before a word was spoken.

"Gou." Rinna sat down heavily in her chair, hands shaking as the scene played out before her, exhausted to the point where she couldn't even begin to complain. Shinnosuke froze next to Gou, as did Kiriko. Before, he had always said everyone's last names, barring Gou and Krim's. But there was warmth there, a tiredness that the previous memoryless Chase didn't carry. The burden that Gou had been carrying suddenly weighed even more, stepping back a few inches before he stood still, eyes wide.

It was there… The familiar ever-so-slightly noticeable tone that _his_ Chase had. His heart nearly stopped, thrown from his body and back to the cherished memories of the one before him, the one who had called his name.

It slowly became apparent that Gou would not be able to respond, a glazed over look in his eyes and the tears that threatened to fall preventing him from doing so. Even the faint muddled, and rather pathetic, sound of a once-again sentient Signal Chaser did nothing to bring Gou out of his daze. Kiriko slapped her hand to her lips to stop a sob that most certainly would have billowed forth. Slowly Chase took everyone in before his eyes once again landed on the person who had not moved.

Step by step, Chase's feet brought him closer to the silent rider. A firm hand was raised, poised to grip the boy's shoulder when he hesitated. A teardrop trailed down Gou's cheek, another following until his cheeks were streaked with tears that wouldn't stop.

Sadness? Hesitation again creeped into his core. From what he understood, reunions were meant to be happy, right? Fingertips traced across Gou's cheek to wipe away some of the tears, a nearly comical look of concertation on Chase's face. That snapped Gou out of it, eyes blinking and widening when he realized how close the other was. The warmth on his skin from the other's breath was real. It grounded him back down to earth and his body suddenly went into a motion he had always thought of carrying out.

Their lips met, Gou's fingers dragging the other's face closer. It wasn't the perfect kiss, Gou never planned it to be. But he just couldn't find the words that he had meant to tell the other. He was afraid he would end up breaking right then and there. It didn't matter the other were here, what really counted was that his Chase – _his Chase_ – was back. The lack of a response suddenly hit him and Gou nearly threw himself away. Nearly.

But when he pulled back, what the rider saw instead made him realize that it had been worth waiting all of these months for. It was worth all of the suffering and heartbreak…

Chase smiled.


End file.
